Post by King Klass on Mar 20, 2009 13:22:39 GMT -5
*The Following is a confidential Piece of Literacy - The Last Remnants of the Forum and The TRUE Reason why the forum many of us once knew as YGOFans is no longer with us. Brace yourselves folks for this writer who be suffering in the fires of Hell feels that the truth must be told - so enjoy wholeheartedly the following article*
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Essentially duellists, a very Native American approach to all this is that you can think of this as a soul returning to Gaia, the Earth Mother with all its experiences making the project that much better. When the soul is reborn, it is so with that much more experience and power behind it. A technological approach is similar to that of De-fragmenting a Hard Drive, allowing everything to become less cluttered and creating an ease of use. Need a military style reference? ATTENTION! Watch all your cards fall into ranks. The organization will help you more than you know, and may allow you to stumble upon things to help you in your journey. It’s Dangerous to go out alone.
______________________________________________________
The following takes place between 8:00 am and 9:00 am
*We see Jack Bauar rushing through a house.*
Jack: Chloe, I need you to do a scan of this house and see if there are any other people inside.
Chloe: it will take me an hour to get the satellite…
Jack: You have 5…4…3…2…
Chloe: Got it. One heat signature in the back room.
*Jack nods, and carefully moving through the house, he comes to a door and kicks it down to reveal a blonde haired, 6 foot 2, 22 year old writing genius.*
D-Slayer: Would you keep it down, my family is trying to sleep. *goes back to typing. As he does so, D-Slayer’s younger brother passes, muttering about stupid CTU agents* see?
Jack: *levelling his gun* Where are the ballots?
D-Slayer: …uh, right here. *points to laptop*
Jack: GIVE IT TO ME!
D-Slayer: Dude, first off…indoor voice. Second off, no.
Jack: *Points gun at head* NOW!
D-Slayer: No…jeez, just because you weren’t nominated in any of the categories for a prestigious Oscar…
Jack: *sniffs* But I’m always nominated. *Begins to cry*
D-Slayer: Oh God…*reluctantly hugs Jack* It…will be ok…come on…buck up…you don’t see the cast of Grey’s Anatomy…
*There is a bang from the kitchen, followed by slurs*
Annoying Doctor named Grey on show: Hey, we were wondering…
D-Slayer: If you call me McVerby I will personally shoot you. Now, if you are going to bug me, you can at least announce my next chat show.
*The annoying doctor grabs a mike – grumbles, sees the barrel of a gun between his eyes then stuttering his throat begins to speak*
The Destruction Factor- The Forbidden Return
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Live, from studio 1A at Zetaboards Plaza, it’s the Destructions Factor!
Tonight’s Guests:-
From the message boards, The incredible Duo of Chibi Yubel, Rejaion and the GFX wonder artiste in the making Tyler.
And from that weird little world that is between reality and insanity, The Yellow Man – Yellowpages R Us!
With BumbleBee and the Autobot Orchestra!
And Special Guest Live From “21st Century Fox Studios to celebrate the 20th Birthday of Sky – Mr Homer Simpson.
And the host of the Destruction Factor….DDDDRRREEEAADDDSSSCCYYYTTHHHEEEEE!!!!!
*Camera pans over to reveal…an empty stage.*
Uh….D-Slayer!
*Nothing*
D-Slayer!
*Meanwhile, in the Head Office of the Fans…*
TJ: I’m serious, Destruction.
Dread: I’m serious too.
Raven: About what?
Dread: About being serious.
TJ: *groans* would you shut up? Listen, I am all kinds of happy that you are now on staff, but that doesn’t mean I trust you or your show.
Dread: What does that mean? What have I ever done …
TJ: You tried to convince the US Government that I was Osama!
Dread: Well, there was that…
Raven: And then you sold off the Fans for 10 dollars! It took weeks to get things settled!
Dread: I needed some action figure money.
CMA: You posted a nude photo of me…
Dread: So?
CMA: IN TIMES SQUARE!?!?!
Dread: I’ll admit, that was bad *chuckles under breath*
Raven: *rolls eyes backwards* Oh Brother!
TJ: Laugh all you want…I’ve decided that you need someone to watch over you, to make sure you don’t do anything stupid. And I have just the person to be my eyes.
*A man enters!*
Dread: Hey! How are you doing, old friend?
TJK’s Mexican Counterpart, Spanish KN: No soy su amigo, usted pila de los rectos del burro.
Dread: What a beautiful language
Spanish KN: Le odio
*back in the studio*
Bumblebee: Got any 3s?
Mirage: Go fish.
Optimus: Can we hurry this up, I have to go to temple after the show! The rabbi gets made if you show up late.
*D-Slayer finally enters the studio, Spanish KN fast on his heels*
Dread: I’m here, I here, we can start the show.
Spanish KN: Consigamos este tributo a su ego comenzado
Dread: Yes, I have been working out, does it show?
*Spanish KN sighs. D-Slayer goes to sit behind his desk.*
How are you doing, Bumblebee?
Bumblebee: Well.
…robot of few words, robot of few words indeed. *Pause.* My first guess is a member of the fans accompanied by the bombshell bale now anime Moderator Rena - Ladies and Gentlemen, I present Tyler with Yami-Atem.
* Tyler Enters in a orange and pink striped suit with Rena wearing a diamond bra and orange lingerie enters walking down the ramp to the cheers and wolf whistles of the audience – Spanish KN’s eyes are seen boggling up and down looking at Rena*
Welcome to the DESTRUCTION Factor.
*Dread presses a button*
*Backstage near the dustbin Dark Jester, Gladiator and CDD The Sandman sit smoking cigs, - Sandman lights a new cig*
*BOOM*
Rena and Tyler (in unison): We were wondering…
Dread: If we could talk about your new movie? If we could discuss your new TV show? If we could converse about the play you are starring in…
Rena and Tyler (in unison): …if you got info on how to take the test for being a judge?
Dread: Err…ok…well, one of the rites of passage in this game has become taking the Judge’s Test. It gets you a nice little card from Upper Deck, as well as the respect of your peers. To take the lv one judge’s test, you simply have to go UDE’s website, and they will take you the rest of the way. After that, if you want to move up, you have to take the tests at special events.
Dread: I will suggest that you study for the test. Many times, there will be questions you never expected, and if you come in thinking you can become a judge just on regular knowledge, you may have trouble.
Spanish KN: Usted debe hablar, yo oyó que usted engañó en su prueba del LV 1.
Dread: I thought I made a good point too! Anyway, thank you Rena and KN.
*Dread presses a button – a hole appears in the floor – Rena and Tyler fall through it to a lair full of drunken lobsters*
Dread: Now then folks as mentioned today’s special guest is Mr Homer Simpson from the Blockbuster Hit TV Show – The Simpsons – as part of Sky’s 2oth anniversary.
*Homer Simpson walks on to the stage ... waving his arms in the air as the audience cheers loudly – much to the dismay of Dread and Spanish KN*
Dread: Welcome to the Destruction Factor Mr Simpson.
Homer: Great to be here Kent.
Dread: Err that’s Mr. Destruction.
Homer: Ooh Destruction! Sounds scary!
Dread: Yes it does. Now since I have to be excused for a while but never fear for we have 2 of our own excellent forum members on hand to take a special historic interview with you Mr. Simpson. Introducing From the Gloomy forgotten part of the Fans message board – the place known to many as the Interrogation Chamber – please give me a hand to introduce our very own interviewers Rejaion and Chibi Yubel.
* Both interviewers walk on stage wearing long dark black hooded robes with white skull and cross bones painted on the back to the cheers of the audience*
Dread: Welcome to the Destruction folks so how ya all feeling*
*Not bad – just back from the monthly bloodfest meeting – slaughtering lambs*
Dread: how interesting… Now since you 2 are both interviewers mind taking Mr. Simpson here and giving us a special prized interview… I have to bob off to the gents for a while.
*Autobot Orchestra chuckles*
*Dread runs off in pursuit to the Gents toilets backstage followed grumpily by Spanish KN*
Chibi Yubel: Well that was unexpected ….
Rejaion: True anyway welcome to the Destruction Factor Mr Simpson. Me and Merc here will be your interviewers for the night – asking you a few questions about yourself and other current topics in today’s news.
Homer: Not at all folks. As Lenny or was it Apu used to say The More The Merry-Go Around..
Chibi-Yubel: Actually that’s “The More the Merrier” and I think it was your happy go lucky neighbour Mr Flanders who said that.
Homer: Do’h!
*Audience chuckles*
Rejaion: Anyway For those of you who don’t know about Mr Simpson. He is married to Marge and has three children: Bart, Lisa and Maggie He has a dog called Santa’s Little Helper and a cat called Snowball II. He lives in Springfield, USA, where he works at the town’s nuclear power plant. He was voted the greatest television character of all time by Channel 4 Viewers in a recent poll – and in the year 2000 the Simpson family was awarded a star on the Hollywood walk of fame. Also over the years the Simpsons have had lots of success winning a host of prestigious awards, and a few years ago have had a film based around them as well called err the Simpsons Movie and are currently starring in HD “The Simpson” episodes this year on sky.
Chibi Yubel: So Mr Simpson could you tell us a little bit yourself, like what you do on a daily basis?
Homer: Well my day goes like this: eight hours sleeping, eight hours working, by which I mean sleeping, and the rest of my time eating while watching TV, which I usually consider exercise. TV snack I like the best is 12 slices of Pizza, which I eat every time a commercial comes on and drink Duff bear. I love TV because it provides me with wonderful shows 24/7. If TV hadn’t been invented I’d spend each night eating my dinner while staring at the wall.
*Audience chuckles*
Rejaion: Mr Simpson, what is your opinion of Going Green. Do you have any plans to go Green anytime soon?
Homer: Going Green eh? Nothing I do is green – not even the energy I use, not the food I eat. Not even the plastic hat I wear on St. Patrick’s Day.
*Audience chuckles*
Chibi Yubel: Mr Simpson what is your view or opinion of High definition TV?
Homer: High definition TV has added another item to the list of wonderful things I don’t have. Nothing beats like watching the Itchy & Scratchy in HD – such finely detailed cat intestines. My favourite Sky show is Project runaway with Heidi Klum though I still haven’t seen an airplane land. If I could watch one moment from my life again it would be the day the store gave me an extra donut by mistake.
*Audience chuckles*
Rejaion: Mr Simpson, you have starred in a cartoon movie about yourself but if Hollywood was to make a real life movie involving us humans who would you pick to star yourself in the movie about your life?
Homer: The movie of my life … hmm … well the only actors who could play me are Tom Cruise, Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt, all rolled into one 300 pound package.
*Audience chuckles*
Chibi Yubel: Mr Simpson, I hear this month and borderline the next is the 20th anniversary of Sky – could you tell us your views on this subject?
Homer: Why that’s right Merc, I hear sky is 20 years old this month. I honestly ca’t believe it. Things have really changed. In 1989, the only life George W Bush had screwed up was his own. If I was president Obama for a day, I’d order the treasury to stop printing money and start brewing beer. In my opinion that would end this depression pretty damn fast!
*Audience chuckles*
Rejaion: Mr Simpson, besides your wife do you have any secret crushes on somebody or not?
Chibi Yubel: Rej – you can’t ask that on live TV!
Homer: No... No… Its okay and I admit I do.
*Audience gasps*
Homer: My secret celebrity crush is on Colonel Sanders, surrounded by all his delicious chicken. Don’t tell Marge this but sometimes I fantasise about him while we’re making tender crispy chicken – I mean love.
*Audience chuckles*
Optimus Prime: I wonder what’s keeping Dread?
Bumblebee: probably fell down the toilet again!
Mirage: yeah but heck he’s paying for all this with Vechs credit card.
*A many thousand miles away in his bread and breakfast Vech drops his little teat set and starts jumping on the roof and screaming a long winded howl*
Chibi Yubel: Mr Simpson could you tell us something a little about your family next?
Homer: Well guess I’ll start with Marge. Something no one knows about Marge is that blue is actually her natural hair colour. How do Marge and I keep our relationship fresh? We study books that combine lovemaking and eating like the Joy of Soup and the Caramel Sutra. My date ends in a spot of passion followed by a night of drinking, followed by a morning call when I call in sick for work.
*In his mansion – Mr. Burns smiles a devilishly sly smile and murmurs something – Excellent!*
Rejaion: what about Bart Mr Simpson?
Homer: What nobody knows about Bart is that he is close friends with graffiti artist El Barto. And someday he has promised to let me know who El Barto is. I think its Lenny but it could be Maz all the same. I didn’t get through school faster than Bat, but I did pretty well. When I graduated high school I was so young I still had some of my hair.
*Audience chuckles*
Chibi Yubel: What about Lisa Mr Simpson?
Homer: What nobody knows about Lisa is she actually eats meet, OK she doesn’t but I really don’t know that much about her and I’m getting sleepy.
Rejaion: Oh and Mr Simpson. What about little Maggie?
Homer: What nobody knows about Maggie is that she can actually talk. In fact she swears like a lumberjack. No wait that’s Barney. What was the question again? Never start an interview when your wasted folks… ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz……….
*Merc and Rej look at each other in unison with a surprised look on their face*
*The sound of a toilet flushing is heard and Dread walks from a door backstage on to the set followed by a disgruntled Spanish KN who is wearing a gas mask.*
Dread: Ladies and Gentlemen and noobs like Hellshreder, give a big round of applause to Mr Simpson and of course not forgetting our 2 wonderful interviewers Merc and Rej.
*Studio Audience chuckles and applauds frantically*
Rej: What about our pay check?
Dread: checks in the mail now shoo or else…*he pulls out a remote control detonator from his jacket sleeve*
*Merc and Rej quickly take a bow and both holding Mr Simpson in one arm drag him off stage to the fire escape glaring at Dread in furious hate.*
*Studio Audience chuckles*
Dread: SILENCE!
*The audience is suddenly silent and the sound of sand moth wings and dust balls withering in the Nevada desert is heard from miles away*
Dread: My next guest is the man that made it his purpose to try and hijack my columns every time he could. The member that makes Mickey Rooney looks sane, Ladies and Gentlemen - Mr Yellowpages R Us!
*Yellow enters dressed in a Speedo and a long coat made of purple feathers, a football helmet on his head.*
Spanish KN: Pero, usted todavía está más loco entonces él, Sr. Destruction.
Dread: I like the jacket too, Spanish KN. So tell me Yellow, what are you here to talk about?
Yellow: Cyber Ogre
Dread: Is that the name of your new book? Maybe you are producing a play about the life of a Cyber Ogre?
Yellow: Do you ever see Cyber Ogre being competitive?
Dread (looking dumbfounded and confused is seen dribbling saliva on Spanish KN’s imported German Donut* Uh…
Yellow: The effect, the Machine, the fusion... I don't see why not. But what do you think?
Dread: Well…in a fun deck, I think so. But for competitive, I am not the man to answer. To answer that question, I turn it over to my good friends, Jay and Silent Bob.
*Jay and Silent Bob enter, dressed at lab scientists*
Jay: Yo, you want to know if that messed up card is competitive and stuff? Me and Silent Bob will lay the truth down on you, Professor X style! That card is kickin’ with it’s effect, and being a machine, you know that it has an advantage. But discarding a card to activate will always have those little whiny “You need +1 advantage everytime” kids turning away from it. And even if the fusion is rockin’ the house, it will still be seen as a weaker, less talented version of the mad sweet Cyber Dragon. Ain’t until some mad man comes up with a good recycling card for it will Cyber Ogre see play. Ain’t that right, Silent Bob?
Silent Bob *who is seen flirting and chatting up the cameraman: … what?
Jay: Smooch to the Nooch.
*Jay and Silent Bob leave*
Spanish KN: Kevin Smith le demandará. Le espero extremo para arriba en las calles y el dado de la gripe del pájaro.
Dread: You know, you are always so nice to me, Spanish KN! I think this will be the start of a great friendship.
Spanish KN: Le detesto.
*Autobot + Studio Audience chuckles*
You’re right; it is the end of the show. Thanks for tuning in, ladies and gentlemen. Continue to submit your sample articles for the staff writer position, and remember have fun and good luck.
D-Slayer
*As the audience turns to leave a hooded man on a wheelchair enters the stage followed by a cloaked figure – they arrive silently on stage and both pull back their cloaks to reveal Nagatsu and Des *
Nagatsu: oh Dreadscythe I do believe you forget something?
Dread: I did?
*Des reveals a pencil timer detonator and bomb attached to a handful of c4 dynamite sticks*
*in the Realm of Chaos CS91 sits at a stone rocky monitor with a big grin on his face – the Joker behind him*
Des *speaking as the Joker whispers via the hidden concealed mike in his ear*: Why So Serious?
*BOOM*
*The blast was so enormously cataclysmic that only a few forum members survived crouching under the huge burnt out crisp metallic structure of the studio lights. The entire forum had perished forum members laying sprawled out left right and centre – motionless, lifeless and dead beyond recognition – the once so vibrant and lubricant forum now a former shadow of its glorious past self-*
*TJ, Des, CMA, Raven, Naga, Cin and Rena emerge from the rubble – their heads n dismay and despair showing clearly in their eyes but deep down each was erupting with relief at the death of D-slayer and his comrade’s the once so former Lord of Destruction now the tortured morbid soul of death*
TJ *turns round and speaks slowly in a horse whisper to the rest of the forum moderators*: This must never be revealed to anyone – this must be kept a secret – I’ll get Maz to hack what’s left of the site and delete it to exterminate the evidence. Rena you and Nova set up a temporary site – the rest of us will head to Naga’s place*
*the mods all nod solemnly and depart their separate ways with the few remaining forum members following – scared out of their wits following them for a chance of salvation*
*The Fans Lost Forever in the crazy contraption called the Internet Archives where Ben Stiller patrols the shadow realm as a Night Guard with his trusty guard-dog - DPD*
*Hope u enjoyed the article folks*
*D-slayer*
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Essentially duellists, a very Native American approach to all this is that you can think of this as a soul returning to Gaia, the Earth Mother with all its experiences making the project that much better. When the soul is reborn, it is so with that much more experience and power behind it. A technological approach is similar to that of De-fragmenting a Hard Drive, allowing everything to become less cluttered and creating an ease of use. Need a military style reference? ATTENTION! Watch all your cards fall into ranks. The organization will help you more than you know, and may allow you to stumble upon things to help you in your journey. It’s Dangerous to go out alone.
______________________________________________________
The following takes place between 8:00 am and 9:00 am
*We see Jack Bauar rushing through a house.*
Jack: Chloe, I need you to do a scan of this house and see if there are any other people inside.
Chloe: it will take me an hour to get the satellite…
Jack: You have 5…4…3…2…
Chloe: Got it. One heat signature in the back room.
*Jack nods, and carefully moving through the house, he comes to a door and kicks it down to reveal a blonde haired, 6 foot 2, 22 year old writing genius.*
D-Slayer: Would you keep it down, my family is trying to sleep. *goes back to typing. As he does so, D-Slayer’s younger brother passes, muttering about stupid CTU agents* see?
Jack: *levelling his gun* Where are the ballots?
D-Slayer: …uh, right here. *points to laptop*
Jack: GIVE IT TO ME!
D-Slayer: Dude, first off…indoor voice. Second off, no.
Jack: *Points gun at head* NOW!
D-Slayer: No…jeez, just because you weren’t nominated in any of the categories for a prestigious Oscar…
Jack: *sniffs* But I’m always nominated. *Begins to cry*
D-Slayer: Oh God…*reluctantly hugs Jack* It…will be ok…come on…buck up…you don’t see the cast of Grey’s Anatomy…
*There is a bang from the kitchen, followed by slurs*
Annoying Doctor named Grey on show: Hey, we were wondering…
D-Slayer: If you call me McVerby I will personally shoot you. Now, if you are going to bug me, you can at least announce my next chat show.
*The annoying doctor grabs a mike – grumbles, sees the barrel of a gun between his eyes then stuttering his throat begins to speak*
The Destruction Factor- The Forbidden Return
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Live, from studio 1A at Zetaboards Plaza, it’s the Destructions Factor!
Tonight’s Guests:-
From the message boards, The incredible Duo of Chibi Yubel, Rejaion and the GFX wonder artiste in the making Tyler.
And from that weird little world that is between reality and insanity, The Yellow Man – Yellowpages R Us!
With BumbleBee and the Autobot Orchestra!
And Special Guest Live From “21st Century Fox Studios to celebrate the 20th Birthday of Sky – Mr Homer Simpson.
And the host of the Destruction Factor….DDDDRRREEEAADDDSSSCCYYYTTHHHEEEEE!!!!!
*Camera pans over to reveal…an empty stage.*
Uh….D-Slayer!
*Nothing*
D-Slayer!
*Meanwhile, in the Head Office of the Fans…*
TJ: I’m serious, Destruction.
Dread: I’m serious too.
Raven: About what?
Dread: About being serious.
TJ: *groans* would you shut up? Listen, I am all kinds of happy that you are now on staff, but that doesn’t mean I trust you or your show.
Dread: What does that mean? What have I ever done …
TJ: You tried to convince the US Government that I was Osama!
Dread: Well, there was that…
Raven: And then you sold off the Fans for 10 dollars! It took weeks to get things settled!
Dread: I needed some action figure money.
CMA: You posted a nude photo of me…
Dread: So?
CMA: IN TIMES SQUARE!?!?!
Dread: I’ll admit, that was bad *chuckles under breath*
Raven: *rolls eyes backwards* Oh Brother!
TJ: Laugh all you want…I’ve decided that you need someone to watch over you, to make sure you don’t do anything stupid. And I have just the person to be my eyes.
*A man enters!*
Dread: Hey! How are you doing, old friend?
TJK’s Mexican Counterpart, Spanish KN: No soy su amigo, usted pila de los rectos del burro.
Dread: What a beautiful language
Spanish KN: Le odio
*back in the studio*
Bumblebee: Got any 3s?
Mirage: Go fish.
Optimus: Can we hurry this up, I have to go to temple after the show! The rabbi gets made if you show up late.
*D-Slayer finally enters the studio, Spanish KN fast on his heels*
Dread: I’m here, I here, we can start the show.
Spanish KN: Consigamos este tributo a su ego comenzado
Dread: Yes, I have been working out, does it show?
*Spanish KN sighs. D-Slayer goes to sit behind his desk.*
How are you doing, Bumblebee?
Bumblebee: Well.
…robot of few words, robot of few words indeed. *Pause.* My first guess is a member of the fans accompanied by the bombshell bale now anime Moderator Rena - Ladies and Gentlemen, I present Tyler with Yami-Atem.
* Tyler Enters in a orange and pink striped suit with Rena wearing a diamond bra and orange lingerie enters walking down the ramp to the cheers and wolf whistles of the audience – Spanish KN’s eyes are seen boggling up and down looking at Rena*
Welcome to the DESTRUCTION Factor.
*Dread presses a button*
*Backstage near the dustbin Dark Jester, Gladiator and CDD The Sandman sit smoking cigs, - Sandman lights a new cig*
*BOOM*
Rena and Tyler (in unison): We were wondering…
Dread: If we could talk about your new movie? If we could discuss your new TV show? If we could converse about the play you are starring in…
Rena and Tyler (in unison): …if you got info on how to take the test for being a judge?
Dread: Err…ok…well, one of the rites of passage in this game has become taking the Judge’s Test. It gets you a nice little card from Upper Deck, as well as the respect of your peers. To take the lv one judge’s test, you simply have to go UDE’s website, and they will take you the rest of the way. After that, if you want to move up, you have to take the tests at special events.
Dread: I will suggest that you study for the test. Many times, there will be questions you never expected, and if you come in thinking you can become a judge just on regular knowledge, you may have trouble.
Spanish KN: Usted debe hablar, yo oyó que usted engañó en su prueba del LV 1.
Dread: I thought I made a good point too! Anyway, thank you Rena and KN.
*Dread presses a button – a hole appears in the floor – Rena and Tyler fall through it to a lair full of drunken lobsters*
Dread: Now then folks as mentioned today’s special guest is Mr Homer Simpson from the Blockbuster Hit TV Show – The Simpsons – as part of Sky’s 2oth anniversary.
*Homer Simpson walks on to the stage ... waving his arms in the air as the audience cheers loudly – much to the dismay of Dread and Spanish KN*
Dread: Welcome to the Destruction Factor Mr Simpson.
Homer: Great to be here Kent.
Dread: Err that’s Mr. Destruction.
Homer: Ooh Destruction! Sounds scary!
Dread: Yes it does. Now since I have to be excused for a while but never fear for we have 2 of our own excellent forum members on hand to take a special historic interview with you Mr. Simpson. Introducing From the Gloomy forgotten part of the Fans message board – the place known to many as the Interrogation Chamber – please give me a hand to introduce our very own interviewers Rejaion and Chibi Yubel.
* Both interviewers walk on stage wearing long dark black hooded robes with white skull and cross bones painted on the back to the cheers of the audience*
Dread: Welcome to the Destruction folks so how ya all feeling*
*Not bad – just back from the monthly bloodfest meeting – slaughtering lambs*
Dread: how interesting… Now since you 2 are both interviewers mind taking Mr. Simpson here and giving us a special prized interview… I have to bob off to the gents for a while.
*Autobot Orchestra chuckles*
*Dread runs off in pursuit to the Gents toilets backstage followed grumpily by Spanish KN*
Chibi Yubel: Well that was unexpected ….
Rejaion: True anyway welcome to the Destruction Factor Mr Simpson. Me and Merc here will be your interviewers for the night – asking you a few questions about yourself and other current topics in today’s news.
Homer: Not at all folks. As Lenny or was it Apu used to say The More The Merry-Go Around..
Chibi-Yubel: Actually that’s “The More the Merrier” and I think it was your happy go lucky neighbour Mr Flanders who said that.
Homer: Do’h!
*Audience chuckles*
Rejaion: Anyway For those of you who don’t know about Mr Simpson. He is married to Marge and has three children: Bart, Lisa and Maggie He has a dog called Santa’s Little Helper and a cat called Snowball II. He lives in Springfield, USA, where he works at the town’s nuclear power plant. He was voted the greatest television character of all time by Channel 4 Viewers in a recent poll – and in the year 2000 the Simpson family was awarded a star on the Hollywood walk of fame. Also over the years the Simpsons have had lots of success winning a host of prestigious awards, and a few years ago have had a film based around them as well called err the Simpsons Movie and are currently starring in HD “The Simpson” episodes this year on sky.
Chibi Yubel: So Mr Simpson could you tell us a little bit yourself, like what you do on a daily basis?
Homer: Well my day goes like this: eight hours sleeping, eight hours working, by which I mean sleeping, and the rest of my time eating while watching TV, which I usually consider exercise. TV snack I like the best is 12 slices of Pizza, which I eat every time a commercial comes on and drink Duff bear. I love TV because it provides me with wonderful shows 24/7. If TV hadn’t been invented I’d spend each night eating my dinner while staring at the wall.
*Audience chuckles*
Rejaion: Mr Simpson, what is your opinion of Going Green. Do you have any plans to go Green anytime soon?
Homer: Going Green eh? Nothing I do is green – not even the energy I use, not the food I eat. Not even the plastic hat I wear on St. Patrick’s Day.
*Audience chuckles*
Chibi Yubel: Mr Simpson what is your view or opinion of High definition TV?
Homer: High definition TV has added another item to the list of wonderful things I don’t have. Nothing beats like watching the Itchy & Scratchy in HD – such finely detailed cat intestines. My favourite Sky show is Project runaway with Heidi Klum though I still haven’t seen an airplane land. If I could watch one moment from my life again it would be the day the store gave me an extra donut by mistake.
*Audience chuckles*
Rejaion: Mr Simpson, you have starred in a cartoon movie about yourself but if Hollywood was to make a real life movie involving us humans who would you pick to star yourself in the movie about your life?
Homer: The movie of my life … hmm … well the only actors who could play me are Tom Cruise, Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt, all rolled into one 300 pound package.
*Audience chuckles*
Chibi Yubel: Mr Simpson, I hear this month and borderline the next is the 20th anniversary of Sky – could you tell us your views on this subject?
Homer: Why that’s right Merc, I hear sky is 20 years old this month. I honestly ca’t believe it. Things have really changed. In 1989, the only life George W Bush had screwed up was his own. If I was president Obama for a day, I’d order the treasury to stop printing money and start brewing beer. In my opinion that would end this depression pretty damn fast!
*Audience chuckles*
Rejaion: Mr Simpson, besides your wife do you have any secret crushes on somebody or not?
Chibi Yubel: Rej – you can’t ask that on live TV!
Homer: No... No… Its okay and I admit I do.
*Audience gasps*
Homer: My secret celebrity crush is on Colonel Sanders, surrounded by all his delicious chicken. Don’t tell Marge this but sometimes I fantasise about him while we’re making tender crispy chicken – I mean love.
*Audience chuckles*
Optimus Prime: I wonder what’s keeping Dread?
Bumblebee: probably fell down the toilet again!
Mirage: yeah but heck he’s paying for all this with Vechs credit card.
*A many thousand miles away in his bread and breakfast Vech drops his little teat set and starts jumping on the roof and screaming a long winded howl*
Chibi Yubel: Mr Simpson could you tell us something a little about your family next?
Homer: Well guess I’ll start with Marge. Something no one knows about Marge is that blue is actually her natural hair colour. How do Marge and I keep our relationship fresh? We study books that combine lovemaking and eating like the Joy of Soup and the Caramel Sutra. My date ends in a spot of passion followed by a night of drinking, followed by a morning call when I call in sick for work.
*In his mansion – Mr. Burns smiles a devilishly sly smile and murmurs something – Excellent!*
Rejaion: what about Bart Mr Simpson?
Homer: What nobody knows about Bart is that he is close friends with graffiti artist El Barto. And someday he has promised to let me know who El Barto is. I think its Lenny but it could be Maz all the same. I didn’t get through school faster than Bat, but I did pretty well. When I graduated high school I was so young I still had some of my hair.
*Audience chuckles*
Chibi Yubel: What about Lisa Mr Simpson?
Homer: What nobody knows about Lisa is she actually eats meet, OK she doesn’t but I really don’t know that much about her and I’m getting sleepy.
Rejaion: Oh and Mr Simpson. What about little Maggie?
Homer: What nobody knows about Maggie is that she can actually talk. In fact she swears like a lumberjack. No wait that’s Barney. What was the question again? Never start an interview when your wasted folks… ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz……….
*Merc and Rej look at each other in unison with a surprised look on their face*
*The sound of a toilet flushing is heard and Dread walks from a door backstage on to the set followed by a disgruntled Spanish KN who is wearing a gas mask.*
Dread: Ladies and Gentlemen and noobs like Hellshreder, give a big round of applause to Mr Simpson and of course not forgetting our 2 wonderful interviewers Merc and Rej.
*Studio Audience chuckles and applauds frantically*
Rej: What about our pay check?
Dread: checks in the mail now shoo or else…*he pulls out a remote control detonator from his jacket sleeve*
*Merc and Rej quickly take a bow and both holding Mr Simpson in one arm drag him off stage to the fire escape glaring at Dread in furious hate.*
*Studio Audience chuckles*
Dread: SILENCE!
*The audience is suddenly silent and the sound of sand moth wings and dust balls withering in the Nevada desert is heard from miles away*
Dread: My next guest is the man that made it his purpose to try and hijack my columns every time he could. The member that makes Mickey Rooney looks sane, Ladies and Gentlemen - Mr Yellowpages R Us!
*Yellow enters dressed in a Speedo and a long coat made of purple feathers, a football helmet on his head.*
Spanish KN: Pero, usted todavía está más loco entonces él, Sr. Destruction.
Dread: I like the jacket too, Spanish KN. So tell me Yellow, what are you here to talk about?
Yellow: Cyber Ogre
Dread: Is that the name of your new book? Maybe you are producing a play about the life of a Cyber Ogre?
Yellow: Do you ever see Cyber Ogre being competitive?
Dread (looking dumbfounded and confused is seen dribbling saliva on Spanish KN’s imported German Donut* Uh…
Yellow: The effect, the Machine, the fusion... I don't see why not. But what do you think?
Dread: Well…in a fun deck, I think so. But for competitive, I am not the man to answer. To answer that question, I turn it over to my good friends, Jay and Silent Bob.
*Jay and Silent Bob enter, dressed at lab scientists*
Jay: Yo, you want to know if that messed up card is competitive and stuff? Me and Silent Bob will lay the truth down on you, Professor X style! That card is kickin’ with it’s effect, and being a machine, you know that it has an advantage. But discarding a card to activate will always have those little whiny “You need +1 advantage everytime” kids turning away from it. And even if the fusion is rockin’ the house, it will still be seen as a weaker, less talented version of the mad sweet Cyber Dragon. Ain’t until some mad man comes up with a good recycling card for it will Cyber Ogre see play. Ain’t that right, Silent Bob?
Silent Bob *who is seen flirting and chatting up the cameraman: … what?
Jay: Smooch to the Nooch.
*Jay and Silent Bob leave*
Spanish KN: Kevin Smith le demandará. Le espero extremo para arriba en las calles y el dado de la gripe del pájaro.
Dread: You know, you are always so nice to me, Spanish KN! I think this will be the start of a great friendship.
Spanish KN: Le detesto.
*Autobot + Studio Audience chuckles*
You’re right; it is the end of the show. Thanks for tuning in, ladies and gentlemen. Continue to submit your sample articles for the staff writer position, and remember have fun and good luck.
D-Slayer
*As the audience turns to leave a hooded man on a wheelchair enters the stage followed by a cloaked figure – they arrive silently on stage and both pull back their cloaks to reveal Nagatsu and Des *
Nagatsu: oh Dreadscythe I do believe you forget something?
Dread: I did?
*Des reveals a pencil timer detonator and bomb attached to a handful of c4 dynamite sticks*
*in the Realm of Chaos CS91 sits at a stone rocky monitor with a big grin on his face – the Joker behind him*
Des *speaking as the Joker whispers via the hidden concealed mike in his ear*: Why So Serious?
*BOOM*
*The blast was so enormously cataclysmic that only a few forum members survived crouching under the huge burnt out crisp metallic structure of the studio lights. The entire forum had perished forum members laying sprawled out left right and centre – motionless, lifeless and dead beyond recognition – the once so vibrant and lubricant forum now a former shadow of its glorious past self-*
*TJ, Des, CMA, Raven, Naga, Cin and Rena emerge from the rubble – their heads n dismay and despair showing clearly in their eyes but deep down each was erupting with relief at the death of D-slayer and his comrade’s the once so former Lord of Destruction now the tortured morbid soul of death*
TJ *turns round and speaks slowly in a horse whisper to the rest of the forum moderators*: This must never be revealed to anyone – this must be kept a secret – I’ll get Maz to hack what’s left of the site and delete it to exterminate the evidence. Rena you and Nova set up a temporary site – the rest of us will head to Naga’s place*
*the mods all nod solemnly and depart their separate ways with the few remaining forum members following – scared out of their wits following them for a chance of salvation*
*The Fans Lost Forever in the crazy contraption called the Internet Archives where Ben Stiller patrols the shadow realm as a Night Guard with his trusty guard-dog - DPD*
*Hope u enjoyed the article folks*
*D-slayer*
