Go, Go Power Retards!

[Nagatsu]

Lol this just keeps getting better and better!

[Raven]

Opening Theme: (Sung to the beat of the original Power Rangers)
Go, go Power Retards!
Dee-Dee
Go, go Power Retards!
Dee-Dee
Go, go Power Retards!
You Mighty Morphin' Power Retards!
Dee-Dee, Dee-Dee, Dee-Dee, Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee
Go, go Power Retards!
Dee-Dee
Go, go Power Retards!
Dee-Dee
Go, go Power Retards!
You Mighty Morphin' Power Retards!

<The Retargon, Prowrestler, Spedguin, and E-Crap Zords lie on the ground, separated by the force of the attack.>

PP: This SUCKS!!!!! Look what those Asian sons-of-pregnant doges did to my Pingu!

Goliath: Pingu?

PP: I nicknamed my zord Pingu. Got a problem with that?

Goliath: No, but...

PP: then shut the hell up.

Goliath: Okay, mommy...

PP: Time to update my To-Kill List.

Goliath: Your WHAT?

PP: Nothing... nothing (Whispering) Note to self: Bearhug Goliath until discomforting popping noise is heard.

ScrJew: What the hell do we do now?

Tweek: Let's cram all our zords together into a Super Retargon Megazord!

D~s: That's insane!

Tweek: No, it's not. It's like those Lego things my Day Care teacher uses to make sure I don't forget how to breath. It doesn't matter if the zords are supposed to fit together, 'cuz they will anyway.

PP: You still go to Day Care?

Tweek: Doesn't everyone?

PP: Nevermind... Let's just do this.

D~s: Initiate Super Retargon Megazord Sequence!

Computerized voice of Megazord: Super Retargon Megazord Sequence has been initiated.

Tweek: How come he got to say the cool line...

PP: 'cuz he's the pink one.

D~s: That's right, pink rulz! crap! I did not just say that!

Goliath: Yes, you did.

<The Prowrestler, Mertard, Spedguin, and E-Crap zords form the Megazord as they normally would. The Retargonzord then jettisons its haed/neck along with all its limbs. the torso turnss into one of those football type shoulderpads and goes over the shoulders of the Megazord.The head separates from the neck and attaches over the head of the Megazord. The Mertard Tail and the Retargonzord's Neck, Arms, Legs, and Tail somehow form a giant sword and floats into the Megazord's right arm. Finally, the Flubbazord transforms into a giant shield and attaches to the left arm.>

D~s: Awesome, pregnant doggies!

Nagatsu: Like that matters. ATTACK!!!
<DRMZ hits SRMZ with it's sword and sends it into a building.>

Goliath: Jesus Christ! What do we do now?

Tweek: I actually got an idea!

PP: We're gonna die for sure now...

Tweek: Hey, Asian guys + Carl! Look to the left! It's Jesus!

D~s: They're shinto, you baka. That won't do crap.
<DRMZ turns to the left and bows down.>

Naga/Oni/Baku: All hail the sheep God!
<While the DRMZ is kneeling, the SRMZ jumps on top of it.>

D~s: Going for the pin!

Baku: They're f**king humping us!

ScrJew: Will you stop that, Tweek!

Tweek: you're the one pushing the out button!

Fatass: Will you both cut that out! I'm trying to eat my potato salad!

Goliath: Will you stop f**ken eating at a time like this?

Fatass: No.

PP: He answered you, anyway.

Oni: THAT'S f**kING IT!!!!!!!
<DRMZ reaches, picks up harvester Blade, and goes all dual-wield on the SRMZ's ass until the zord are forcibly separated and swallowed by the ground.>

Tweek: Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

----------------------------------End Episode 7-------------------------------

Oni: This episode ain't quite over yet. Come here, ScrawnyJew.
<Pheonix Kicks him until his suit bubbles up and pops like a zit.>

ScrJew: good thing I was in my suit, or...
<Oni Claws his way into ScrJew's abdomen and rips out his intestines, craps in them, pisses in them, forces ScrJew to start eating them, and finally sews them to the front of his face.>

ScrJew: Kill me please...

Baku: You're gonna LEAVE him like that?

Oni: Why not?

(Happening Simultaneously)

Naga: Come here, Tweek...

Tweek: NO! You're scary, and asian, and...

Naga: You gettin' racy with me, you little pregnant dog? Come here!
<Screen goes black and many violent squishy noises are heard.>

Tweek: Noooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They're gone! Gone!!!!!!!!!!

Naga: I'm sewing these to my punching bag for sure!

Retardon: Sped, teleport the Retards out of there before they're killed!

Sped 5: Right away, Retardon!
<Rangers are teleported to the Base of Commandingness.>

[Raven]

I do this on request, so PM me if you have any ideas.

[Raven]

Opening Theme: (Sung to the beat of the original Power Rangers)
Go, go Power Retards!
Dee-Dee
Go, go Power Retards!
Dee-Dee
Go, go Power Retards!
You Mighty Morphin' Power Retards!
Dee-Dee, Dee-Dee, Dee-Dee, Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee
Go, go Power Retards!
Dee-Dee
Go, go Power Retards!
Dee-Dee
Go, go Power Retards!
You Mighty Morphin' Power Retards!

Retardon: Power Retards, your zords were obviously decimated by your most recent battle.

ScrJew: Help Me, someone....

Retardon: do not worry, ScrawnyJew, we will find a way to restore your strength and your Retard Powers.

Tweek: What about me? Nagatsu stole my Man-Boobs Goddamnit!

Retardon: Yeah, well... deal with it, 'cuz no-one cares about you and your problems.

D~s: Ha-Ha, Tweek.

Sped 5: Shut up, you pink skirt wearing f*ggit!

D~s: Take that back, you gay-ass pudgy robot!

Fatass: What's wrong with being Pudgy?

PP: And gay?

D~s: What?!?

PP: Shitskies! Didn't mean it like that!

Goliath: Right... And you say "shitskies"

PP: So?

Retardon: Will you all shut up, you ultra retarded f*ggity ass morbidly obese up-the-ass loving pussies?!?

All: Okay!

Retardon: the only way for you to have enough power to defeat Carl and his Opium Rangers in to use zords with powers like you've never seen-

PP: We never really saw the power of our old zords...

Retardon: Besides the point. And now... Fatass, being the lard ass you always are, I bestow the power of the Baron-o-Beefdip Blurplezord to you. Debochin~san, the fake ass fighting experience lover that you are, I give you the Boxer Blurplezord.
Pen Pen, the bird of the group, I bestow the power of another flightless bird, the ostrich, to you in the form of the Ostrich Blurplezord. Goliath, you big stick-lover, I give you the power of the Big ol' Log Blurplezord. Finally, Tweek, I give you the power of the Flying Twinkie Blurplezord.

<Power Retards Power down>

Fatass: Let's celebrate our new zords with cake!

<Alarm sounds>

Retardon: Retards, a Pot Plantster is attacking the Vank Hoff in the Park hotel in NewTard City. Hurry there quickly and stop this monster.

PP: The first time we power down and this happens...

Tweek: It's morphin' Time! I think...

PP: He almost had it that time.

Retardon: NOWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tweek: Okay, Okay, It's Morphin' Time!

Fatass: Flubba!

Goliath: E-Crap!

PP: Spedguin!

D~s: Prowrestler!

Tweek: Mertard!

<At the park>

PP: It's HUGE!

Goliath: We need the New zords!

Fatass: Or cake...

D~s: No, definitely the zords.

Fatass: Awww....................

Tweek: Let's do this! We need Blurplezord power, now!

<Switch to fancy cinematic.>

Fatass: Flubba Baron-o-Beefdip Blurplezord Power!
<Flubbazord appears and is pelted by berries until it changes into a beefdip-colored Bubbleman.>

D~s: Prowrestler Boxer Blurplezord Power!
<Prowrestlerzord appears and is pelted by berries until it transforms into a Boxer.>

PP: Spedguin Ostrich Blurplezord Power!
<Spedguinzord pelted until it transforms into an Ostrich.>

Goliath: E-Crap Big ol' Log Blurplezord Power!
<E-Crapzord pelted until it transforms into a giant floating log.

Tweek: Mertard Flying Twinkie Blurplezord Power!
<Mertardzord eats berries until it realizes what is happening and then is pelted until it transforms into a Flying Twinkie.>

Tweek: Let's put 'em together!
<Baron-o-Beefdipzord is the base of the Megazord, jumping on top of the Ostrichzord and combining to form the core. The Flying Twinkiezord splits in 2 and becomes armor for the legs of the Ostrichzord, reinforcing them so they can bear the sheer weight of the zord. The Boxerzord then also splits in half, transfoming into arms and attaching over the arms of the Baron-o-Beefdipzord. Finally, the Big ol' Logzord Transforms into a giant wooden sword and floats into the BlurpleMegazord's right hand.
>

D~s: Freaking SWEET!

Tweek: Okay, Gundam. Ikimatsu!

PP: Tweek, are you sure that's from the right show?

Tweek: Shut up!

<BlurpleMegazord then easily disposes of the Pot Plantster like it was a weed and the Big ol' Log Sword was a weedwhacker.>

Tweek: That was easy with these new zords!

PP: No, the author just didn't feel like writing a battle sequence so we got the win by default.

TweeK: Uhhhhhhhh...... What?

PP: Nevermind... Let's just go home.


---------------------------------End Episode 8-------------------------------

[Nagatsu]

Somehow you are able to keep this going congrats! ;D

[Pengu]

WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THE OSTRICH!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M A PENGUIN!!!!!!!!!!! That was hilarious.

[Nagatsu]

Note to pengu check out da avatar and it will explain!

[Raven]

Opening Theme: (Sung to the beat of the original Power Rangers)
Go, go Power Retards!
Dee-Dee
Go, go Power Retards!
Dee-Dee
Go, go Power Retards!
You Mighty Morphin' Power Retards!
Dee-Dee, Dee-Dee, Dee-Dee, Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee
Go, go Power Retards!
Dee-Dee
Go, go Power Retards!
Dee-Dee
Go, go Power Retards!
You Mighty Morphin' Power Retards!

Note: It's been awhile, I know... This takes place directly after PP's last line in the previous episode (8).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tweek: Wait! My Newtype senses are tingling.

PP: Not sure where he got that one, but he probably f**ked it up...

Naga: Not so fast, Power Retards!

Goliath: Jesus Christ... here we go again.

Naga: New Zords, huh? Let's see what they can do!

Tweek: I'll show you the Gundam's not just a hand to hand combat Unit.

Naga: I'll show you that a Mobile Suit has it's limits, especially when it goes up against the Red Comet.

Debo: What the HELL are they talking about?

Fatass: How should I know? I'm too busy Eating Pie and watching TiVo'd Naruto episodes.

PP: Great...

(BlpMZ fires head-mounted vulcan berryguns at DRMZ)

Naga: You'll have to do better than that!

Tweek: The bullets bounced right off!

Goliath: Those were berries, dude.

Naga: Once the Big Zam is Mass- Produced, We'll put an end to the Federation in No-time!

Oni: Another Gundam reference and my head'll explode!

Baku: He could at least stay the same character!

Carl: Or keep with the task at hand instead of blurting out random nonsense.

(DRMZ tosses a building at the BlpMZ.)

Tweek: Damn!

PP: We can't win!

ScrJew: Not Yet! It's not over yet!

( A Giant White Garfield runs onto the scene.)

ScrJew: Garfieldzord, Transform to Megazord Mode!

(Transforms into a giant robot form.)

ScrJew: Fire Turd-a-licious Lasagna Beam!

( A Laser beam hits the DRMZ and Smears it in shit.)

Carl: Damn! the entire zord's covered in shit!

Baku: The vents are blocked! The generator's shutting down!

Naga: You mean we... lost?

Oni: Not yet! Carl! That Peach Fuzz Morpher you have! Use it!

Carl: I can't! If a non Asian dude uses it, they could spontaneously combust!

Oni: It's either that or we're all doomed to become retards of the 5th degree!

Baku: Car!

Naga: Carl!

Oni: Carl!

Carl: Okay, here I go!
(smokes Peach Fuzz pipe and morphs)
I'm alive! I don't believe it!

Oni: (on the floor laughing) What I don't believe is that there is actually Peach Fuzz on your costume!

Baku: Summon the Peach Fuzz Zord already!

Carl: Come forth! Peach Fuzz Hyper Battalion Tankzord!

(A Monolithic Peach Fuzz covered tank rolls onto the battlefield.)

Oni: (No longer laughing) You Mother f**ker... you mother f**ker... I swear to Your God I'll kill you when this is done.

Carl: Engage G-HtH Fighter mode!

(Light pieces of armor cover the head, limbs, and torso of the DRMZ while the remainder of the zord transforms into a giant thruster pack and attaches to the back of the DRMZ)

Naga: Hyper Mode!

(The DRMZ glows gold)

Oni: I said NO MORE GUNDAM REFERENCES!!!!!!!!!

PP: Everybody out!

(everyone but Tweek Ejects from the BlpMZ)

Tweek: I'm not afraid! My Power Retard coin will protect me!
(The coin and his ranger powers are teleported back to the command center, leaving him in the BlpMZ alone and with no way out.)

Tweek: Shit!

Naga: Senko-Ken!

(DRMZ right hand glows green as the zord lunges at a defensless Tweek and runs him through.)

Debo: NOooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!
Tweek's dead!!!!!
No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (starts crying)

(ScrJew Evac's from his zord as it is destroyed by the Opium rangers.)

PP: Shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(He, Debo, and ScrJew, along with Fatass's and Goliath's Coins, are transported back to the command center.)

Debo: We're safe...

PP: But where's Goliath?

ScrJew: And Fatass?

Retardon: Fatass didn't fit in the transport beam.

PP: and Goliath?

Retardon: I just don't like him.

Debo: I don't think anyone does.

Sped 5: Retards, observe the Viewing Globe.

(they get to watch as Goliath is killed by debris from the Garfieldzord and Fatass is abducted by the Opium Rangers.)

PP: How will we beat them now, Retardon?

Retardon: We will recruit some new Retards and then we will go search for the Slow One.

-------------------------------------End Ep 9---------------------------------

[Nagatsu]

ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE THE LAST EPISODE BUT THIS ONE MAKES UP FOR LOST TIME! ;D

[Pengu]

Better and better. The maddness just won't stop.

[Nagatsu]

ALSO THE BEST PART IS WHEN TWEEK DIED IT WAS FUNNY FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT SENKO KEN MEANS IT MEANS ETERNITY FIST IN PLAIN UNSPEDAFIDE ENGLISH!

[Raven]

Before we begin, I must post this. This is what ORIGINALLY happened when Carl morphed, but I edited it out cuz' I thought it just might be a little too much, then I remembered where I was and am posting it now.
(Happens directly after Carl smokes the morpher but before he morphs.)

(Carl spontaneously combusts.)
Carl: SHIIIT!!! It burns! It burns!!!
(Starts rolling on the ground)
Carl: Put it out! Put it out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Onizapper gets a fire extinguisher from the back of the van)
Oni: This'll help!

Carl: NOOOO!!!!!!!!!! That's only for gas fires! It'll-
(Oni sprays him and the flames roar up with twice the intensity)
Carl: You stupid f**k! I told you not to do that!

Naga: Make yourself useful
(Picks up Carl and hurls him onto the Power Retard BlpMZ)

Tweek: Lookie! It's Carlie!

Carl: Someone put me the f**k out PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

(Tweek walks up to the window, looks at Carl for several seconds, drops them, and starts humping the window.)

Carl: Put that thing back in your pants! Your embarassing yourself!

(At this time, Debo walks up to the window and begins to do exacly what Tweek is doing.)

PP: I have to stop this before Goliath joins in.
(PP has the BlpMZ throw Carl back to the DRMZ)

Baku: I must end this poor creatures suffering(reaches for controls)-

Oni: No you don't! (Ties Baku up to a big ol' bag of weed in the back of the van) Nagatsu! I'll get the Popcorn, you get the TiVo!

(At this time Carl jumps off the DRMZ and kills himself.)

Naga: Only one thing to do now.
( Has DRMZ stomp him out like a cigarette and put him in the van, then goes to the back, frees Bakuhatsu, and grabs a joint.)
Naga: Here you go!
(Lights joint in Carl's mouth and slaps his cheek.)

Carl:(Regaining Consciousness and morphing to the Peach Fuzz Opium Ranger.) Where am I again?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Opening Theme: (Sung to the beat of the original Power Rangers)
Go, go Power Retards!
Dee-Dee
Go, go Power Retards!
Dee-Dee
Go, go Power Retards!
You Mighty Morphin' Power Retards!
Dee-Dee, Dee-Dee, Dee-Dee, Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee
Go, go Power Retards!
Dee-Dee
Go, go Power Retards!
Dee-Dee
Go, go Power Retards!
You Mighty Morphin' Power Retards!

Retardon: Time to select the next three Power Retards.
(Teleporter beams go out and return with three sorta familiar faces)

Ugly Tweek-Fatass Hybrid Guy: Where am I

Scrawny Sped: How should I know?

Chubby Sped: Alaska?

Retardon: Are there floating heads in Alaska, you retard?

Sped 5: A perfect crop of new Superzeroes!

Retardon: And Now, the Ceremony of the Retard shall begin!
You, Crutchkid, shall inherit the Mertard Powers!

Ugly Tweek-Fatass Hybrid Guy: Oh, boy!

Retardon: You, Dan the Sped, shall inherit the E-Crap Powers!

Dan the Sped: I feel special!!!

Retardon: You should. Finally, Tim the Sped, you shall inherit the Flubba Powers!

Tim the Sped: Asshole!

Retardon: Thank You, my fine retarded friend, and now on to more pressing matters. The six of you, led by ScrawnyJew, the White Power Retard, shall make a harrowing journey to find the Slow One and obtain his more powerful Retard Coins. Do you understand?

(The six retards are circling around a bucket of Legos like a picnic basket and are dividing up the blocks on plates.)

Retardon: WILL YOU STUPID NO GOOD PIECE OF RANCID SHIT COCK SUCKING MOTHER f**kING pregnant dog ASS HOMO-HOMOPHOBES LISTEN FOR ONE IN YOUR MISERABLE LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PP: No.

Retardon: I will be teleporting you to the edge of the area where the Slow One resides, but you must do the rest on your own as communications will be cut off during this trip.

(The six retards had proceded to eat the blocks while Retardon was giving instructions and were turning blue)

Retardon: Quickly, Sped 5, administer operation Himelick Maneuver Beta!
(Sped 5 quickly dislodges the blocks from their throats.)

Crutchkid: You... saved my life...
(Proceeds to attempt to molest Sped 5)

Sped 5: I'm a f**king robot you f*ggit!

Crutchkid: Will that really get between our love?

Sped 5: Yes!!!!! Now get the f**k off of me!
(Retardon teleports the retards to their next mission before something bad happens)

Retardon: Looks like you almost got an import in your export socket.

Sped 5: Shut the f**k up!

-----------------------------------End Ep. 10------------------------------


Kinda short, but the extra piece of ep 9 should more than make up for it.

[Raven]

Side note:

Can't someone post their own fic (somewhere else, of course, say, your own thread) cuz' it's lonely doing these by myself.

P.S. (also the edit)

I've been thinking of making this an announcement on all boards so that people who don't normally check out the flames can still check this out, so if Anyone with equal or greater Moderating priveleges (Nagatsu + Carl, basically) agrees, please do this for me and post that you did. If not, just post why not. Thank you for your time.

[Raven]

Opening Theme B: mmpret.ytmnd.com/

Narrator-guy: And so our retarded heroes head off in search of the Slow One in that place known only as.........

[glow=red,2,300]THE CITY OF TOWNSVILLE!!![/glow]

Crutchkid: Where the f**k are we?

Dan the Sped: Looks like that place in that cartoon I like to watch.....

Tim the Sped: Yeah...

PP: It's... like... a big city, but it's also kinda townish...

Debo: I think my forehead glows in the dark!

PP: it's morning you retard.

Debo: Don't lie to me!!!!!!!!!!!!

DtS: This street goes on FOREVER!!!!

TtS: It's only been five minutes.

DtS: That's too long!

ScrJew: Who's that?

( A drunk Birdman ripoff comes stumbling out of a nearby bar.)

PP: Who are you?

Birdguy: Who are you?

PP: I asked you first.

Birdguy: No, I asked you first.

PP: No, I did.

Bg: No, I did.

PP: Stop copying me.

Bg: Stop copying me.

PP: Are you the Slow One?

Bg: No, are you?

pp: No. But who are you?

Bg: I don't know. Who are you?

PP: I'm Pen-Pen. Who are you?

Bg: I know who you are!(hiccup) You're some government agent sent to capture the Slow One and leave our town defensless to Ms. Kean's evil plot.

PP: No... We're the Power Retards. We were sent by retardon to retrieve the Slow One's Power Coins.

Bg: Yeah...(hiccup) If you're the Power Retards then I'm Aardvarkman!

PP: So your name's Ardvarkman?

Aardvarkman: Yeah, how you doin'(hiccup). Don't think I've ever met you before.

ScrJew: Jesus CHRIST!

AaMan: How dare a Jew use the Lord's name! Feel my wrath!
(He magically spawns a six-pack of beer and chugs it down.)

AaMan: Take THIS! Beercan Shotgun!
(He tosses the cans up in the air and punches the entire six-pack at once, launching the cans at ScrJew)

ScrJew: That hurt like a pregnant dog!

AaMan: You said you wanted to go see the Slow One? Check Townsville Hall.

(The Power Retards wander aimlessly for days until they finally find Townsville hall.)

PP: This is it?

ScrJew: Guess so.

(The Power Retards go inside and walk up to the service desk)

PP: Do you know where we can find the Slow One?

Red-Haired Woman: You must mean the Mayor. Just one sec.
(clicks button on intercom)
Mayor? there are six nice young boys here to see you.

Mayor: They can come in, but they have to bring me somee pickles.

PP:(to the other Retards) Where do we get pickles?

R-H Woman: Here. (Hands ScrJew a bottle of pickles)
He gets like this sometimes, so we all stash some pickle bottles under our desks.

ScrJew: Okay... Thank you.
(The team walks into the Mayor's office)

Mayor: You must be the Power Rangers.

PP: We're the Power Retards, sir.

Mayor: What'd I say?

PP: You said Rangers, sir.

Mayor: Ranger, Retard, same thing.

(Building shakes violently)

PP: What the f**k was that?!?

Mayor: Nothing much. Just give me a minute.
(Shuffles his way over to a gay-looking phone on the other side of the office and picks it up)
Hello? Girls? Can you be dears and take care of the monster that's attacking Townsville? Thanks a lot.
(Hangs up)
Mayor: That's taken care of. Now what can I do for you?

PP: We need you to upgrade our Power Retard Coins.

Mayor: Okay, that'll be easy(Sits down on the floor and starts to meditate until beams of energy shoot out of his head and into the Power Retard Coins.

------------------------------------End Ep. 11--------------------------------


Presenting........ The Mayor of Townsville!

mud.mm-a5.yimg.com/image/1453863911

[DTC]

I just realized...i think i may still own one of the power ranger movies.